I want to expand upon the idea of Curiosity in the meditation practice. I want to backtrack and ask the fundamental question, why am I meditating to begin with? And how does Compassionate Curiosity fit in?
What’s my intention? Is it to free my mind of permanently of pain and suffering? Is it to “fix” myself? Because if this is what I am striving for, I feel heavy and weighed down by the enormity of the task before I even begin.
I believe this; I will probably never get the point where I am free of dukkha, free of kamma, free of the ups and downs and emotional highs and lows that seem to rule the life. Despite my “understanding” of the law of impermanence, I will probably still feel sad when a good friend dies and I will probably still not be totally ok with my own inevitable demise. So, if that is my goal, then I am afraid the only outcome is going to be frustration and doubt and struggle. But, if my intention is just to learn about this mind, to learn about this body and get to know it’s energies, it’s desires, it’s grasping, it’s clinging, it’s fears, etc, then I think I have a better shot at it. Just to get to know it better. Not to fix it and not to judge it. This is really an important point. We are a fixing people. We try to fix our body imbalances by doing yoga, we try to fix our minds so that we don’t get angry or depressed anymore. We look to fix ourselves with food, drugs, exercise, and meditation. And yet, we rarely do it, eh? We rarely feel healed and fixed. We are always trying to find the answer that we seem to have in our grasp for a minute but then slips away the next.
By just bringing curiosity, or better yet, compassionate curiosity, to whatever is going on and investigating it’s energies and seeing it’s effects and seeing the truths or non-truths that are inherent in it, then I can relax into the beautiful mess and actually go along for the ride, wherever it might lead.